I needed to go to The Wal-Martz today. But, the doc has said I have to stay off my feet. So, that means I can’t walk around Wal-Mart. Therefore, I finally had a legitimate excuse to ride one of these….
It. Was. Awesome. Dude, those suckers are fast and can turn on a stinkin’ dime. We had a list of groceries and school supplies. I also needed an old lady nightgown. They fit in pregnancy, they don’t hurt my incision after the C-section, and they have buttons that make nursing easy. Although you may all know me as a fashion icon, I am willing to sacrifice style for one of those lovely gowns for the hospital.
As we were finishing up, a song just kept running through my head. Well, I texted the first few lines with a picture to one of my buddies. We spent the afternoon writing additional lines back and forth. Stop, because this is the collaboration that resulted…..
Rollin’ in my 5.0, with the ragtop down so my hair can blow.
The rednecks on standby, waving just to say hi.
Did I stop? Naw, I just rode by.
Kept on ’til contractions made me wanna stop,
I busted left and headed to the next block.
That block was dead, so I continued to A 1 A…
Ladies were hot, buying calico muumuus,
Gotta find some to match their fluffy houseshoes.
Jealous? I’m picking out mine…
Nice row of buttons & a seashell design.
Ready for the employees at the “Wal,”
They actin’ ill cause they got an aisle clean-up call.
Toddler screams rang out like a bell.
I grabbed my diaper bag and ran like…. well….
Bustin’ on the concrete real fast,
My water breaks, pain comes on fast.
Bumper to bumper, the lot is packed,
Trying to get to L & D before I dilate too fast.
EMTs on the scene — know what I mean?
They picked me up, the sirens wailed & made a scene.
If there’s a problem, a spinal block will solve it.
Call up the doc, while the anesthesiologist revolves it….
Nice, nice, baby…..
Stay put my nice, nice baby….
Yo, peeps, I gotta get out of here.
Word from the Scooter Mother……