The other day I showed you a few flags I briefly considered for the new flag pole at our upcoming house. Since none of those were viable options, I went searching for a few more. Is it too much to ask for a flag that will sum up my entire personality and make all of the neighbors want to be my friends? I didn’t think so…

Now, let me go ahead and apologize if any of you have flags like these in front of your home. I’m not mocking the flag exactly…. I, um…. well… I just don’t see how it fits me. (mab to self: Good job! You covered that nicely!)

So, this is what I’ve found:

Dogs dressed as bees surrounding a giant dog flower….?

A cow wearing a patriotic hat & dancing in the flowers? With a bird house? Can an animal-themed flag get any cheesier?

Dear Cat-Obsessed People: I know that sometimes I tease about people who use waaaay too much cat fabric in sewing projects. But, I do understand the bond between people and their pets. However, when Mr. Fluffykins passes on into the next life… give him a nice funeral. Don’t put a flag outside your house to memorialize your pet. This makes you seem desperate, sad, pathetic, and just a teency bit obsessed with your dead cat. Just say no, dearie.

Enough of the animal flags!

The city I’m moving to is so dry there are two entrances to the Outback — one for the nondrinkers & one for the sinners drinkers. Depending on the neighbors, this flag might just cause a mob with pitchforks and torches to appear. Then, I’ll reveal to them that I actually don’t have any alcohol in my home and they will either embrace me or impale me for getting them mad. Scenario 2: All of the closet drinkers will come over thinking that they’ve found someone else who has a closet full of hooch. They will come over, weeping with their wineglasses, only to realize that there is no closet of hooch in my house. They will either impale me with their wineglasses or they will all be so happy to find one another that they’ll forget that my flag led them on. (By the way…. absolutely no judgement for those of you who have a closet of hooch in your house. And if you come visit me and want to eat at Outback, I’ll sit on the naughty side with you.)

That’s it! I’ll put this sign out and people will come flocking to my house! Sure, they’ll think that I’m selling stuff and I actually won’t be, but maybe we can all be friends. Hang on. Garage sale people come reeeeeeeally early in the morning. Nevermind. Scratch that.

So, the search goes on!