We are here in Jaybro (the home-to-be) and we’re looking for a house. The first day we saw 8 and picked 2 possibles. Today we went back to see those again. The first one…. well, it’s breaking in half. The end is sagging in the middle and the whole house is shifting & cracking. Since we don’t want to spend $30,000 fixing this problem, we had to kiss this house goodbye. (It was rather sad! We really loved that house!)

The other house had too many other issues. Only one was non-fixable. The others were all fixable, but it would have cost quite a bit of money. The sad thing — most of these issues were done deliberately by the current homeowners. The lady-of-the-house apparently decided that her countertops needed updating. Rather than spending a couple hundred bucks to replace them, she decided to get all fancy. She took  brown paper bags tore them into big pieces. Then, she glued the pieces down. Then she covered it in massive quantities of some type of sealant.

I’ve seen a version of this done online where they did a concrete floor or a wall. If it’s done right, it looks kind of like leather. If it’s not done right, it looks hid.e.ous. This lady didn’t even trim her paper in every place it met the wall (!!!) so we could see pieces of paper sticking up and out. Then, she didn’t apply the sealant correctly — it’s massively uneven and it’s bubbly. It is downright undulating. It also has drips coming off the bottom. Seriously, y’all. It’s horrid. Whoever decides that this house is worth it will have to replace it.

Now, I’m a huge fan of  HGTV & all of the HGTV-type blogs, house magazines, tv shows, whatever. I like to do all kinds of prettifying on a space and am absolutely not afraid to paint a room to make it nicer. I think that people can do all kinds of projects themselves and make their homes quite lovely. But, here’s the rules:

1) Do not drink while watching HGTV.

2) Do not use illicit drugs while watching HGTV.

3) Do NOT attempt to do a project you’ve seen on HGTV while drinking or on drugs.

I do not think this lady followed these rules. Not only for the counters…. you shoulda seen the hot pink cabinets with zebra-stripe scrapbook paper glued on it. FOR REALS, YO!

Dear Lady of the Poor Decor,

If you are a regular reader of the mab Blab, I am soooo sorry! I’m a bit sorry for making fun of you and your decor. I am mostly sorry for your decor. Please know that you will have to stop being so house proud and drop your price by a million dollars to make up for the bad paint job on all of the cabinets, the terrible countertops, the hid.e.ous paint job everywhere, and the way you painted the inside of one closet highlighter green. Your house could be soooooo cute! But you have screwed it up. Get help, lady. Get help now. And put down that paint brush!

Sincerely,

mab

 

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Wanna see how to do this technique correctly? Put away your inebriating or judgement-impairing items and go here, here, or here.

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Sooooo….. we’re back on the hunt. We have extended our stay in Jaybro and are leaving no stone unturned. I will be surprised to find a nice house under a stone, but you never know. I also have realized that the house I showed in my last post is just not the one for us. Instead, I’ve set my sights on this quaint cottage:

HOLLA!

 

P.S. My next post will be my 600th! There will be a giveaway! Stay tuned….

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