Today the hub decided to go get new pants. “You do realize it’s Black Friday, right?” I asked. I explained that the mall would be utter chaos. Still…. we headed out. Into the chaos. With all of the crazy people. Who were fighting over $15 sweaters.

He got several pairs of pants & a shirt. Then, he said, “Do you want to walk around and look?” I did, in fact. Since we were there and my winter wardrobe is severely lacking in both quality and quantity, I was going to see what was there. After about 30 seconds, he was ready to go sit in the mall instead of walking with me.

I should have made him stay.

I got an armful of things to try on — including some new dresses. I got into the fitting room and began going through the stacks. RayRay was sitting on a bench outside JCP watching people and texting me.

Text #1: “How’s it going?”

Text #2: “Finding anything?”

Text #3: “Wanna catch a movie after this?”

I replied that this would be good. So, he said he’d walk down to the theatre and see what was playing and when. Just as he walked away from the front of the store where I was inside trying on a stack of dresses, I went to take one off and….

the zipper broke.

The little pull thingy came off. And the rest of the zipper wouldn’t budge. Now, this dress was the type that had the narrowest point below your chest. So, it wouldn’t come down over my hips and it wouldn’t come up over the girls. I was stuck. It wasn’t too small, but it fit just right… there was no wiggle room here. I flipped the dress around to my front and saw the real problem: Not only did the zipper pull come off, but the zipper was stuck in the fabric. Also, it was a super cheapo zipper that completely bent up into the fabric when the pull snapped off. I needed a pair of pliers to get out of this dress.

Not to paint a non-family-friendly picture, but there I was…. with the dress stuck around my midsection, all my glory hanging out above and the skirt hiked up so I could work on the zipper. Calling for help was no option. I had to MacGyver it…

I pulled out my keys and used the smallest one to bend the metal out of the fabric and back somewhat to where it belonged. Then, I sucked in my breath and pulled the dress up as much as I could. That gave me enough slack to pull it up and unstick the fabric. FIFTEEN MINUTES after getting stuck in the dress I was finally free.

This is why women should always go shopping in pairs. This is also why women should carry pliers in their purses.

This is also why I avoid the stores at all costs on Black Friday. Because you never know when the clothes will take their revenge….