Yesterday when Ray Ray came home for lunch, he saw the smoke detector that we had taken down in the girls room. A few months ago at 2 a.m. it began beeping. When your smoke detector beeps, you change the batteries, right? Not at 2 a.m. when its in the room with your two sleeping toddlers. Instead, you rip it out of the wall. Seeing it on the counter, he was moved to action. He dug out a new battery and put the detector back up in their room. “I don’t know why that took me so long!” he exclaimed.

We sat down to eat.

While we were in the middle of a riveting conversation discussing potty training and Peanut’s recent boogery sniffles, we heard it.

beep.

At first I thought it was maybe just my mind playing tricks on me.

beep.

We were also confused because we couldn’t tell exactly where the sounds were coming from.

beep.

Each time we heard it, it was different.

beep.

Because we live in an apartment building, they have all of the smoke detectors hooked into a sprinkler system. If there’s a fire in any apartment, everyone’s sprinklers go off.

beep.

I am afraid that some yo-ho will burn their biscuits, set off their fire alarm, and make my sprinklers go off. That would ruin untold amounts of stuff.

beep.

But, I’ve heard that the sprinklers have to detect heat for that to happen. So, the yo-ho would have to really burn those biscuits.

beep.

Back to the story… the hub got up, went to the girls room and ripped the smoke detector out of the wall once again. Then, he had to go off to work. I got the girls ready for bed, sure in the knowledge that they would sleep peacefully, without any smoke detector diversions.

beep.

What the…..

beep.

I knew it couldn’t be coming from the girls’ room. That smoke detector was ripped from the wall. Apparently, virus-like, the beepity-beep-beep smoke detector had influenced the smoke detector in the hallway.

beep.

It was now going off. I quickly, unforgivingly, and sharply ripped it from the wall. Ahh. Silence at last. I could now go to my napping spot — the couch — and snuggle up under my new napping quilt.

beep.

Ok, final straw. Where the *#&# was this coming from? Apparently, before being ripped from the wall, the smoke detectors in the bedroom and the hallway made an alliance with the one in the living room. It was now going off.

beep.

I ripped it from the wall and threw it on the kitchen counter. Now we were completely smoke detector-less. (The one in our room has been ripped out for months. It also made the mistake of beeping in the middle of the night.) I called the hub and he said he’d contact maintenance about the problem. It must have been in the wiring in the wall. Problem solved. Reading and then nap time.

beep.

I looked around for a detector I had missed. Nowhere.

beep.

But, the sound was coming from the kitchen. There, like headless chickens still running around the yard…. like a glam band rocker past his prime still trying to perform in concert…. like the neighbor’s dog who just won’t shut up no matter what you do…. the smoke detectors were still beeping. I made sure the batteries were out and then I did the only sensible thing to do.

I put the bleepin’ beepers in the refrigerator.

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