Apparently underwear was a popular gift again this Christmas. Tonight I had coffee with some good friends. As we left the coffee shop, one friend remarked that she was wearing new panties. For the sake of this post, I shall only refer to her as hot pink with black dots. I can safely call her this because she pulled down the side of her jeans to show off her new undies. Another girl promptly pulled down her jeans to reveal her brand-new pink, aqua, and yellow-striped undergarments. This led the next girl to exclaim, “I’m wearing colored panties, too!” She showed her blue plaid. We all looked at the fourth girl, who admitted she was wearing peach-colored panties. (Yes, I’m one of these girls. No, I’m not telling who.)

Of course this led to a discussion on thongs. Polka-dots said she just bought a pair. Peachy referred to them as butt floss. Blue plaid asked if they were uncomfortable. Stripey said she wanted more fabric to cover her chubble bubble. Just then, we looked around to see if anyone had noticed this undergarment-baring moment. And, to our horror, a car door opened and a young guy got out. As he walked into the 24-hour laundromat, we realized he must have seen our skivvies. We started to be mortified, but our embarassment was halted mid-blush. We noticed this young hipster getting out of a large, white grandma-type car that was either a Crown Vic or a Grand Marquis.

When I was in 6th grade, I got my first giant zit. In a vain attempt to disguise this facial erruption, I swiped some of my mom’s foundation and overzealously applied it to my entire nose. The trouble is that my mom and I have similar complexions, but not exact matches. I made it all the way to last period science class, but then that kid Ryan who sat next to me announced to the whole class: “mab has a giant zit!” All of my external paintwork couldn’t hide the fact that I had an enormous pimple on my nose.

Therefore, just because this guy had airbrushed a Power Ranger onto the doors of his white Oldsmobile didn’t hide the fact that he was driving the equivalent of a social pariahmobile.  Yes, he had Power Rangers. In a Power Stance. Ready to Power anyone who laughed at him, his low-rise pants, or the car he swiped from grandma. The funniest thing is that it was airbrushed on there. This wasn’t a decal that could be considered a kitschy inside joke. This was a large, door-encompasing Power Ranger on both sides of the car. This was absolutely intentional.

In other news, we’ve moved into our church’s guest house. It’s absolutely wonderful to have a home. We also have a car that comes with it. This is fabulous. What kind of car is it?

A Crown Victoria.

Maybe I can find a good airbrush artist out there. I was thinking of having Donatello from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles painted on the hood.

P.S. to Peachy: I told you I’d post this. 🙂