Around the world people have different definitions of what’s cute. Some cultures believe that red shoes with a pastel pink dress is a good fashion choice. Others seem to be oblivious to the clash that occurs when plaid and stripes go together. My favorite jeans-and-tshirts style is extremely strange to people here because only kids dress that way.

Baby clothes are no exception. Here, most baby clothes have words on them. English words. Very few of them make sense. Sometimes the sentiment is right, but the syntax is wrong. For example, there might be a car on a boy’s shirt with the words “Going fast through the street!” We wouldn’t ever really say this. In addition to the fragmented nature of this sentence, the preposition is all wrong. We’d say down the street, up the street, and maybe in the street, but not through it. Through the intersection: yes. Through the street: not really. Anyway, you can tell the words have either been chosen by a non-native English speaker or a native without a true grasp of the language.

Most often, the clothes just have random words or numbers on it. Today Beanie is wearing a cute white dress that has a ruffled hoodie shawl that goes with it. The dress has fun bright stitching on it. It also has a strange medallion made of felt and embellished with “03.” Now, if I was a member of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of ’03 instead of ’00 (Wh’00p!), I might understand the purpose of this medallion. But, alas. I don’t. There’s no reason. Just decoration.

Other shirts might say “pretty” or “glitter” or “fancy.” These have some meaning. But, the ones that take the cake are outfits like Bean wore yesterday:

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Cute, isn’t it? You’ve got a snail and a butterfly cruising along under a cloud. My favorite part are the little ties at her shoulder. Overall, a great outfit, right? Wait, it appears that the cloud is saying something to us… there’s a little message that Mr. Fluffy Cloud is trying to share with the butterfly and the snail. What is it? Let’s zoom in for a closer look:

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Gaye? That’s right. Gaye. I do believe that the cloud is coming out. On Bean’s outfit, no less! Actually, the outfit’s tag says “Gaye Baby.” Funny thing: Gaye is not a word over here. It’s not a word I’ve ever heard. It was a name once upon a time, but not so much now. Also, “gay” means the same thing in Central Asian as it does in English.

This is strange, but it could be worse. Tuesday while I was buying Bean’s jeans. The lady proudly showed off one of the new outfits for winter. It’s a strange, shapeless fleece suit in white and hot pink. On the knees are eyes and a strange looking-mouth. This odd animal form is recreated in a separate pillow-like zip pocket on the tummy. Then, emblazoned on the white top of the suit is the phrase HIP POO!

As a new mom I’ve seen a lot of poo. Some days my whole house smells of poo. I frequently have to stain-treat Bean’s clothes to get out the poo. But, as hardened as I now am to the world of poo, I definitely don’t ever ever want to see any hip poo.

mab says: “What do you think about that, Bean?”

Bean replies:

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