(This is today’s Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich.)

Each day as I look at my blog and see the pregnancy counter ticking away, I realize one thing: Bean is coming soon! That means that I have a special limited time offer for all of you parents and expecting parents out there… For the next 62 days (give or take a few), I am offering all of my parenting wisdom at special rates. Need to know what type of parenting works best? I can answer that! Need to know the best way to discipline your child? I know that, too! Are you looking for more practical advice, such as how to best organize your home in preparation for a baby’s arrival, how to diaper a baby, or how often you should nurse? I am the expert! For only $19.99 per answer, I can tell you anything you need to know.

So, send me an e-mail or leave me a comment with your credit card information. Or, you can mail a check to my Stateside representatives. As soon as your money clears, I’ll tell you everything you ever wanted to know on how to be a perfect parent.

But, you must act now! There are only 62 days (give or take a few) left for this special deal. After I see my beautiful Bean’s face, and once I become a mom and have to actually deal with diapers, nursing, discipline, and 3 o’clock feedings, I’ll immediately realize that I don’t know squat.