To my respected editor,

Following the techniques of my mentor, Jane Goodall, I have remained in one spot until I have been accepted as part of the landscape. I no longer pose a threat to the species I am studying: Americus Living Abroadus. After stumbling upon this particular group of Americus Living Abroadus, I knew that I had found an excellent example of a clan network to study and have followed them extensively. To distinguish between members of the clan, I have given them names. The main female that I have observed at this shopping center food court location is one I call Skippy. She comes to this location every week and is often accompanied by her clan-mate, Smiley. Smiley's young pup Bam-Bam often accompanies one or the other of them.

This week, however, was different. Instead of beginning their usual task of storing up food for the week, these two females turned into the food court area. They were attracted by an unusual display of colorful balloons. As they moved closer and examined these changes in their habitat, they grew visibly excited. They began jumping up and down and chattering to one another. They had discovered a new, flame-broiled food source.

Immediately, Skippy began using her hand-held communication device to notify her mate Ray-Ray of this new food source. They then entered the market area to search for Smiley's mate Coco. After a short time, they emerged from the market with triumphant faces. They held aloft certain bags containing pasteurized milk and began a strange dance. It was as if they, like certain types of bees, were notifying the others from their clan of the location of this milk. They then went to the new food source and began trying to communicate with the natives there.

Suddenly, a problem emerged. Coco became very agitated and began using his hands and face to demonstrate his frustration and anger. The food service location was out of flame-broiled meat patties and only had fried chicken patties or fingers to offer. As I have already learned from my research of the species Americus Living Abroadus and their cousins Americus SUV Driving-a-Lotis, the thin, fat-filled meat patty is a primary nutritional requirement. Coco apparently realized that this place did not have something that his family has long required for their diets. It took some time for the food workers to appease Coco, but the ice cream cones seemed to do the trick.

After Skippy, Smiley, and Coco finished their meal, Skippy returned to the counter and ordered vast quantities of french fries and chicken nuggets for the rest of the clan that remained at home. I was able to follow this female back to their nest and captured some interesting photos of the scene after the clan fed.

I will remain hidden among the balloons and deep-fat fryers for the next few weeks to try and learn more about this unique species. Their evident excitement at this new watering hole makes me confident that they will return often.

They ate in haste, which prevented me from capturing any photos of the actual food. But, after the feeding frenzy was over, they left these artifacts of the meal. I have gathered them and am planning on a complete analysis of them. I will include all of this in the final report I send in to you. As promised, it will all be on your desk by the deadline so you can include this story in the next NG edition.


Albert Eidelschweidelshein,Field Researcher