We just got back from a surprise party for one of my hubby's co-workers. We all met at a cafe and really had a great time. However, according to local tradition, the cake was nasty. What do I mean? Well, their cakes are absolute works of art here: swirly icing, pretty piped designs in hardened chocolate, artfully arranged fruit toppings….. but then you cut into them. The actual cake part is made up of 1/4 sawdust, 1/4 sand from the beach, 1/4 plaster of paris, a sprinkle of sugar, and an egg to hold it together. I think if society as we know it ends cataclysmically and future archaeologists excavate this spot, they'll find the cake shops with their cakes still intact. It might go something like this:
Archaeologist #1: Hey! It's some form of ancient cafe and cake shop!
Archaeologist #2: Did you find any evidence of carbon-based life forms or their preferred foodstuffs?
Archaeologist #1: Wow! Look! 3,000 millenium later, here's a perfectly preserved cake!
Archaeologist #2: That cake sure looks tantalizing. With all it's pretty swirls and chocolate shavings. And it's fruity glazed top.
Archaeologist #3: Hey! What are you two doing! You're not supposed to eat the artifacts!
(Archaeologist #1 & #2 take a bite, then quickly gag and spit it out.)
Archaeologist #1: Dude! That's nasty!
Archaeologist #2: Yeah, that tastes worse than the ancient stuffed grape leaves we found last year.
Archaeologist #1: Man, those weren't ancient. My wife made those for my lunch that day.
Archaeologist #2: Oops. Sorry. Tell her they were delightful.
And so on and so on….. as you can imagine. Anyway, I got the cake down tonight by sheer determination. There is one kind that is actually good. It has candied chestnut filling. The part that makes it good is the filling. It's all gooey and syrupy, so it soaks into the cake and actually makes it moist. I could eat a slice like that happily.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself in describing this cake! I forgot to tell you the present our friend received. She will be getting engaged soon and beginning to set up her home, so they thought of getting her some nice decorations. Very smart, I thought. Until I saw what they were. I only wish I had pictures. Her beloved friends gave her a set of 4 statues. They were all the same, but ranged in height. The smallest was about 8 inches and the tallest 2 feet. What were they? A very tall, very skinny African with a potbelly. One hand was holding up his belly and the other was on his chin. He was wearing a skirt. She opened them and, instead of being horrified at their hideousness, she proclaimed: "Oh! How beautiful!" Then, they all spent the next 20 minutes discussing how great they'll look in her house. She then said "I just love little African men!" That was it. I had to leave and come home. My stomach hurt from holding in the laughter.
Archaeologist #3: Hey you guys! Get over here! We seem to have found some sort of idol set!
Archaeologist #2: American idols?
(Archaeologist #1 and #3 join you in groaning at that terrible joke. They then throw the cake at Archaeologist #2. It gives him a bloody nose.)
In other news: I am having trouble spelling. This is terribly distressing for a former editor like myself. The words always just used to look "right" or "wrong." Now, I can't tell anymore! I guess it's because I'm looking at two different languages every day. Who knows. But, I must apologize to my readers (especially my former co-workers) for the plethora of misspellings in this blog. I have challenged myself with this post by including words such as "cataclysmically," "plethora," and "archaeologist." Maybe I can beat my spelling sense back into submission.
Now, I must go watch a silly movie with my hubby.