April 26, 2012
When we started telling people that we were expecting again, one person made the following comment: “Maybe you’ll get lucky this time and have a boy!”
I know that she wasn’t meaning anything by it. I know she was just making conversation. I know that this was her way of saying congratulations. But, people, I still felt like she punched me in the gut. And when I saw my two “unlucky” precious blessings, I gave them extra hugs. Because whether she meant it that way or not, by saying that a boy = lucky, she is implying that a girl = unlucky. And although she may not have even thought that, I’m grateful my girls weren’t there to hear it. I don’t want them to think of themselves as anything but a gift straight from Heaven.
When I went in for my initial ultrasound, the tech asked if this was my first. I told her that I have 2 little girls. She began clapping her hands like a 3 year old at a birthday party during cake time and hollering “Oh, let’s hope this is a boy!” Then, during the exam, she spent an extra few minutes poking around the 9 1/2 week fetus to see if she could figure out if it was, indeed, a boy. Now, I’ve never been trained in ultrasound technology, but I am pretty sure that there’s nothing to see on a 9 1/2 week fetus to indicate gender.
I know she was just trying to be nice & make conversation. I know she held no unpleasant feelings towards my daughters. I know her words were just empty conversation. Still, I was really frustrated and peeved. Mostly because it was one of those infernal internal ultrasounds and no woman wants to spend any extra time undergoing that procedure while the ultrasound tech tries vainly to determine if I’m going to be “lucky” and have a boy. (There’s that word again….!) So, when I go in to have the big gender-reveal ultrasound & we see it’s a boy, will she throw a party? But if it’s a girl, will she be bummed out and make ridiculous comments about our need to try again? I’m heading both of those scenarios off at the pass — I’ve requested a different ultrasound tech from here on out.
I’ve had numerous other people say, “Oh, you must want a boy,” or “Trying for a boy, huh?” or “Watch out, you might have another girl!” *sigh* I’ll tell you that I was polite, but quick to say that any child is a blessing and we’ll be grateful for either gender that God gives us.
I wrote before about the reaction I had when we found out Peanut was a girl and since then I’ve had many conversations with all-girl moms and all-boy moms about the same thing. If you’ve got all girls and get pregnant, people make comments about the fact that you *must* want a boy. If you’ve got all boys and get pregnant, people assume you must have only been trying for a girl. And if you get the same gender as you have, you’ll have to try again. I’ve also heard from many mamas who have a girl and a boy, so when they get pregnant a 3rd time, people ask why.
I also want to know why… Why do we as a culture have this preconceived idea that a family is only complete when there are both male & female children? Do I want a boy? Sure. That would be fun. We’d play trucks and Legos and cowboys and it would be a blast. But, is my life diminished if I have a third girl? No way! I’d also love to have another girl! If we have another girl, that will also be a blast! We’ll play even more dress-up and paint even more toenails and get even more dollies. How can I, as a human, make the choice about who’s best for our family? God’s already chosen what this baby’s gender is. He knows what He wants our little household to look like. We’ve just decided to accept with joy whoever He sends.
Now, I know that some people really, really want children of both genders. I am not judging a mom or dad who crosses their fingers and hopes that the ultrasound shows a ____ in there. I’m addressing the people who make statements assessing value or desirability to a certain gender, especially when they have no relationship with the parents at all. (Ultrasound lady, I’m talking to you….) I’m addressing any person who reacts with disappointment or a comment about trying again or anything but joy when a mother reveals their child’s gender. Even if you meet a woman who has 4 boys and is pregnant with boy #5 or a woman with a van full of girls and who is pregnant with another girl, the only response should be “How wonderful! What a blessing!” Never: “Well, you can try again,” “Better luck next time,” or (the WORST in my opinion) “Well, maybe you can adopt and that way you’ll get the ____ you want.” (Because that’s what adoption is for…. picking & choosing what type of kid you want.)
All of this to say: We find out Friday afternoon if we will have a floor full of little cars or another drawer full of hair bows in our future. And either way I am thrilled & excited. I just want to say he or she and start thinking of names. And Raylo feels the same way I do. In fact, the only people in the house who have an opinion on the matter are the little ones. Both girls have stated that they will help feed the baby, hold the baby, and play with the baby – but only if it’s a girl. Since they are not old enough to read this post or understand what I’m talking about, I’ll let them off the hook for their opinion. They are only 3 & 4 anyway. (Which leads me to another pet peeve…. why do people have to make comments about the spacing of my children?!?! But I’ll save that for another day…. You’re welcome….)