September 16, 2009
The other day, someone asked me an innocent question that really peeved me.
“So, are y’all going to try again for a boy?”
I replied that we’ve thought of having another child, but not for the near future, and that we don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. Then, I walked away, confused as to why I was so mad. This was a mother of two girls around Bean and Peanut’s age, so I know she wasn’t trying to do anything but make conversation. Still, I kept thinking about it. Finally, I’ve put words to my frustrated thoughts…
The question implies that Peanut was a mistake. It implies that we needed a boy to complete our family and since she wasn’t a boy, we’d try again. I suppose that if we had another girl, we’d have to chalk her up as a mistake and try again.
I know some families try again to have a boy or girl and I know that they love whatever comes, but I’m just not comfortable with this. No offense or judgement here if this applies to you. For me, I’ll take what comes. I have enough friends who have dealt with the pain of infertility — each child is a tremendous blessing. I adore my two girls. I am so glad that they are girls. They’ll be close sisters all of their lives (except for when they’re fighting and hate each other, no love each other, no hate each other, sigh… it will be like middle school in our house all the time). I would not trade Peanut in for anything or anyone — EVER. She is no mistake.
The innocent question touched in me a nerve that is still raw from pregnancy. When I told some people that I was having another girl, they responded by telling me “Better luck next time.” One person even laughingly told me I was worthless. (I guess this person didn’t get the memo that my baby’s gender isn’t biologically up to me.) Of course these people were kidding. Of course they think my daughter is wonderful and perfect. Of course they wouldn’t trade her in for anything or anyone. Then, why the comments like this? Is she somehow less because she was a second she?
So, for the record: I will not try again to have a boy since I didn’t try again in order to have a boy in the first place. God blessed us with our daughter Bean and then blessed us with our precious daughter Peanut. We joyfully accept these gifts from Him. If he allows us to have another child, we’ll take whatever He gives. I’m not filling out a Target registry for baby’s gender. (“Let’s see… I’ll use this scan gun to choose a smart, athletic boy who will have dimples as a baby and chiseled good looks as a man. He’ll be a doctor or lawyer or Nobel-prize winning scientist who will take good care of us in our old age. “)
When we were overseas, our friends and neighbors prayed with their palms open to heaven. I asked why and my friends told me it was a symbol of being open to receive whatever God gave. I’ve adopted this position often when I pray. I’ve certainly adopted it in regards to my children. I am open to whoever God gives me.
And I really hope He waits a few years to give to me again.